Q&A:

"Why are wedding rings worn on the 'ring finger' of the left hand?"

In ancient times, it was believed there was a vein in the third finger of the left hand that ran directly to the heart. Thus, the ring being placed on that finger, denoted the strong connection of a heartfelt love and commitment to one another. Although during times of modern autopsy, this long held belief was found not to be so, the tradition continued to this day.

Medieval bridegrooms place the ring on three of the bride's fingers, in turn, to symbolize, God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. The ring then remained on the third finger and has become the customary ring finger for English-speaking cultures. In some European countries, the ring is worn on the left hand before marriage, and is moved to the right hand during the ceremony. However, in most European countries the ring is still worn on the bride's left hand. A Greek Orthodox bride wears her ring on her left hand before marriage, and moves it to her right hand after the ceremony.

See OurMarriage.com for Unique Wedding Ideas, Customs & Traditions, Wedding Etiquette, Planning Your Wedding, and more.

Source: http://ourmarriage.com/html/why_the_third_finger__left-han.html

"Need help to write love letter"

Martin asked:

I have recently been back in touch with a friend of mine I last saw last year. The fact is I still really love her and would like to let her know this. I plan to send a love letter to her but have difficulty finding the right words to say in it. Can anybody please help me.

jimmyblue replied:

Don't do this. Unless you're willing to take the gamble that she's as loopy for you as you are for her. Writing a "love letter" to somebody who doesn't want one is like a pointed stick in the eye. A year apart, and you're in love with her? No, you're in love with your imagination of her. Two quite distinct things. You think if she was in love with you, a year would've passed before "getting back in touch"? My advice is to avoid one-way communication. Missive, or missile? Doesn't take much to screw up the meaning. It would be better to have conversation and shared activities. Been there, done it, never worked. You'll only document your disconnection from reality. Trust me on this. Write your love letters after you've made her open to them.

John replied:

I don't quite agree, a love letter is not something you write based on expectations of how it will be received but rather as an expression of how you feel. Regardless of whether you send it or not, writing a love letter helps you sort out your feelings and come to terms with yourself. And what harm is there in sending a love letter to someone who isn't ready to reciprocate? How do you expect to get to the point where you know whether or not the feelings are shared if you don't express yourself? Gamble, what have you got to loose? As to whether or not you're in love with a person or your idea of a person.... Of course, you can only know what you believe and hence what you love is always just an idea or imagination, how close that idea is to reality is a matter of how much interaction you have and how realistic you are in interpreting your experiences. Here, I would agree, the more interaction you have than the better you can bring your imagination and reality closer in line with each other. Still, never decide whether or not to express yourself merely on how well your expressions will be received.

Mark replied:

Don't bother with finding the perfect love letter if the words and feelings aren't yours. Romances don't end like they do in the movies, lives continue. Think about it, what will you say afterwards? Will you have to continue finding better and better letters? Even if you find the perfect letter, it should be you she loves or doesn't love, not the letter.

Source: alt.romance

"Little in common with girlfriend. What should I do?"

Alf asked:

Can't turn to anyone who knows me, so I thought I might see what people on this group had to say. I'm a 27 year old male. Until I met my current girlfriend I had never been in a relationship that lasted for more than 6 months. I have been going out with G for 4 years now. I entered the relationship, as with all the others, naively, in a live for today kind of way. But this one turned out to be different. As time went by I found I liked her more and more and, eventually, I realised that I was in love. However, 6 - 8 months ago I began to feel unhappy in the relationship. If I analyse why I feel differently, it's because I feel increasingly like we have very little in common. Save living with each other, our lives simply don't overlap. We have separate groups of friends, separate interests, likes and dislikes. Problem is all my likes are kind of immature, like spending time with my mates, playing cards that sort of thing. I love all the things that girls usually don't, so I must be the one who needs to change.

I have no idea what to do. Would I be a fool to hope that if I met the right woman, I'd actually want to change? I am frightened that I am just a commitment shy, selfish fool like so many men I see on the telly. Men like that hurt women and themselves. I listen to my head and it tells me to find some way to make it work, to get married and make an adult commitment. But when I look in my heart, it tells me that I should end this relationship. What should I do?

Nunya replied:

You're in a rough spot. I don't know enough about you or your situation to really be able to tell you what you should do, but I doubt you changing your likes to hers is the answer. Every couple should have things they do away from each other, separate interests. It's possible what's bothering you now is the two of you may not be spending enough time doing the things you BOTH like. There must be some common interests and likes, that you may not have done for awhile. Maybe you could try making an effort to spend more time together, doing things that interest you both or just something completely new that neither of you have tried. You may just need something to "spark" the relationship back up.

At your age, you've probably already changed in the last 4 years and don't see it from your view. But you see changes in her and think it means you're moving away from her. Change can be a good thing, but it can also mean an end is near.

Whatever you do, don't get married just because you think it's a way to make this work. It would be the worst mistake you could make. Sit down and think about your life with her. When you picture the rest of your life, is she in it? If you think of the two of you growing old, and can't imagine a life without her, by all means, marry her. But if the idea only makes you feel "weighed down", then you wouldn't be doing either of you any favors by forcing yourself into a marriage you're not ready for.

At the very least, sit down and talk with her about how you feel. After 4 years you should be able to do this. It's possible she may be entertaining some of the same fears. If not she may be able to help you understand what's going on in your mind as she probably knows you best.

Good luck to you. :)

Anthony replied:

It's not about how much you have in common with her, nor is it about how long you've known her. What's most important is how she treats you. If she can sufficiently satisfy this third condition, then the other two will take care of themselves. And do keep in mind that all relationships involve some element of compromise. Not to suggest that you should ignore your inner thoughts about the status of your relationship, but if you overanalyze something long enough, you can easily rationalize it as being unhealthy, illegitimate, or mediocre. So relax and focus on the crux of your relationship: How you treat each other. Good luck, man.

Source: alt.romance

"Perfect kissing?"

Betty asked:

Any idea on perfect kissing?

Maile replied:

Lots of tentative brushing with lips, only a little tongue, and not much spit. Oh, and an expensive dinner first, of course.

Source: alt.romance

"What do women find attractive?"

Brandon asked:

The #1 thing women say they find attractive is CONFIDENCE. What do women find attractive?

Maile replied:

Well, this woman finds a fabulous sense of humor the most attractive, along with smelling good.

"Shy Guy" replied:

Yeah, I've heard that lot too. But the single thing I hear most is confidence (most often literally that word, confidence, but often also attributes closely related to confidence such as "secure", "outgoing", "engaging", "comfortable in any situation").

Humor is disarming and pleasurable. But I also think that a certain level of confidence is a prerequisite to being humorous. A shy or nervous guy is normally not going to be humorous.

One other thing that I mentioned implicitly, I think, in my post, but on further reflection would underscore, is that simply being happy and in a good mood is also extremely attractive. I would put that, if I had to prioritize, as #2 after confidence for being attractive (being happy). Number 3 is being funny.

The more general point I'm trying to make though is that your demeanor has a PROFOUND affect on how attractive you are PERCEIVED. A plain looking person who is confident, happy, and humorous will be PERCEIVED as more handsome by more women than a physically beautiful man who is unconfident, shy, nervous, depressed, and/or unhappy/cynical/angry. (And of course this principle applies to women as well except the moods or attitudes that make women more attractive to men probably differ. For me I find warmth, kindness, and intelligence more enhancing of a woman's beauty than her confidence or sense of humor).

Generally speaking, being muscular is extremely attractive to women. I know that I started getting a LOT more looks from women after I dropped my excess fat and had been weight training long enough to where my muscles started to bulge and have thick veins running across them.

I'm not talkiing about muscle freaks that are HUGE, like you see in body building contests. I'm sure plenty of women don't find that particularly atttractive. But a guy who is in tip-top shape and has well-developed muscles and minimal body fat is going to be far more sexually appealing to far more women.

But there is no better formula for attracting women than FEELING ATTRACTIVE, period.

Source: alt.romance